Toting Up My Beginnings

I am the sum total of my experiences.
Each episode, emotion and enlightenment
shaped a part of me.
I became a part of others.

Connectedness happened
without intent or permission.
Change was sometimes by design.

My life as a foster child
included a loss of siblings
becoming a high school dropout
living in other peoples houses.

Life was having a window into the
intimate life processes of strangers,
absorbing their values,
learning survival skills,
gaining insight about differences
being impacted in ways
I’ve spent a lifetime discovering.

Life was about figuring out
the unwritten rules
most families take for granted and
are different from home to home.

Life was about feeling guilty for
having left my own family.
Was it my fault?

Life was about trying to overcome
abuse and neglect that
colors a child’s view of
how safe this world is and
if it’s safe to love anyone again.

Life was many changes of schools,
family mores, and
new expectations
in terms of performance.

Life was about bringing all your
possessions in a brown grocery bag.

Life was about owning
pain, anger, fear of loss and
a need to control the world
that had failed me.

I understand intimately about
being a child raised by the village
…paying it forward to those
who come behind me.

I made it.

It was not an individual endeavor.

It took the support of many
along the way.
Social workers, foster parents
teachers, pastors
and my favorite…librarians!

Sad part ...I don’t remember all the names
of those who had such an impact on me.

I value and treasure those
who kept me safe
taught me how to be strong…
even somewhat normal on occasion.

These frail words are to say thank you.


April 2008